Bodyswap: Edward Elric & Roy Mustang
by Syr-youkai
Summary: Murders are taking place and the victims are all National Alchemists. As a rebel group tries to infiltrate the military Ed and Al turn up just in time, although, things don't come to plan and soon Edward and Roy have to work closer than ever...
1. Bodyswap

"Listen…this is how we're gonna go about it. Once we infiltrate the military we'll know all their plans of what they're gonna do with the Alchemists, then we can finally wipe those Nationally Certified Alchemists right off the map!"

"Sir? Are you sure you're not doing this because you failed to become a Nationally Certified Alchemist?"

"NO!" cried the big hairy boss guy with an eye-patch, "No…I hate all Nationally Certified Alchemists, they're dogs of the military. We obtained our gifts by our own means, therefore we can use them for our own means and not for the military!"

"Hurrah!" cheered the crowd.

"Right" grinned the big hairy boss-man, "Who has the alchemy powers to infiltrate the military?"

"Sir Pressure! Pressure! Sir!"

Pressure looked down from his stage with his one eye and looked at a small little man with glasses and a big nose hopping up and down, "Yearh?" grumbled Pressure.

"Sir! I have the ability to switch particles from one organism to another, depending on the size and amount of particles I'm taking"

"Meaning what?" growled Pressure, angry that he didn't understand a word that the little Alchemist said.

The little alchemist sighed and pushed his glasses up to his nose, "I am Dr Talno. What I plan to do is take someone's brain particles and swap them with a member of the military's brain particles. So sir, if I take your brain and switch it with a member of the military it will be as if you switched bodies…"

Pressure looked at Talno with deep intrest, and grinned, lifting the little man up off his feet with one arm, "Three cheers for Dr Talno! Hip hip…!"

"Brother?"

(yawn) "Yeah Al?"

"How come everyone seems to be after Alchemists? Especially Nationally Certified ones? First there was Scar-san until he disappeared, and now there have been all these cases of other Alchemists being killed, but they seem to be done by other alchemists"

Ed tugged at his pillow and avoided looking at his brother, "Why does it matter? It doesn't affect you…"

"It does affect me!" said Al, standing up abruptly; his voice said as well as slightly angry, "It affects me because you are my brother…"

Ed sighed and (still avoiding turning on his side and looking his brother directly in the eye) said, "Al…you don't need to worry about me…worry about yourself…"

Al lowered his head and sighed, sitting on the edge of his own bed which he never slept in, watching his brother fall asleep and the moon rise.

"Colonel! P-l-e-a-s-e don't make me go on night shift! PLEASE!"

Roy's eye twitched slightly as Jean Havoc clutched onto his leg, crying and wailing like a baby.

"Havoc. Stop acting stupid. You've worked on many night shifts before" said Roy Mustang, trying to keep his temper down.

"Yeah but there are people out to get the military…it says so right here in this newspaper!" cried Jean, pushing the morning paper directly up Roy's nose.

"Havoc! Look!" shouted Roy, not succeeding in keeping his temper down, "It says military alchemists! They're only after Nationally certified alchemists! They're not going to bother killing you!"

"Don't worry I shall go with Havoc on night duty today!" cried Armstrong, ripping off his shirt as usual.

"Fine fine fine…" muttered Roy annoyedly, shaking Jean off his leg, "Whatever…I'm going to bed."

**Pink panther breaking in music…**

"Are you sure you know what you're doing Talco?" said a random henchman with Dr Talno strapped to his back.

"It's Talno, and yes of course I do…how about this room any military personnel?"

"Nope. Just an old suit of armour"

"Right…" try the next window, "Anyone?"

The random henchman grinned and nodded his head, "Yeah there's one…you think he's high enough in power?"

Talno shifted on the rope and raised his spectacles to see inside of the glass, "I can't tell, but we've got to get these brain particles in a vassal soon or they'll disintegrate."

"Do you think the boss chose a different guy instead of himself to have his particles removed because he didn't trust you…"

"Probably…" muttered Talno, "But I'll show him how trustworthy I can be…" he grinned as he climbed through the window.

Within a few minutes Dr Talno had created a large Transmutation circle around Roy's bed (yes, it is Roy in the bed, didn't you guess?).

"Right" smiled Talno, after ordering the henchman to finish drawing the circle and putting the chalk away in his pocket, he looked at his hands and smiled, "I have the particles on my hands, I just have to connect the circle and the particles will switch positions…"

Suddenly the door slammed open with a sudden 'BANG' as it hit the wall and Ed and Al stood in the doorway.

"Hey!" grinned Ed, "Did we miss our chance to beat up the Colonel!"

"Who the hell are you!" growled Talno, "How did you know we were here!"

"We are the famous Elric brothers!" said Ed, scratching his head and smiling, pointing to Al behind him, "My brother saw you clear as day climbing up the wall.

Talno and the henchman looked up at Al and gasped, "Elric brothers! You mean, The Full Metal Alchemist!"

Ed's faced turned to one of pure anger as he tried to run over to the two guys to beat them up, he would've succeeded if Al hadn't stopped him.

"Brother stop it!"

"You're too late now anyway!" grinned Talno placing his hands on the Transmutation circle

The henchman jumped up into the air and batted Al away with a pole, Al fell and released Ed's coat causing Ed to stumble and fall into the Transmutation circle.

"No! What are you doing!" cried Talno.

Suddenly the Transmutation circle glowed an eerie colour and there was a giant explosion, before finally everything turned black.

Ed yawned and opened his eyes, rubbing them, he sat up and rubbed his head, "Man…what happened last night?"

He looked around the room curiously "Eh?" he said, _This isn't my room_

He crawled to the edge of the bed and blinked, then rubbed his eyes then blinked again.

"S-H-I-T!" he screamed, as he saw his body lying on the floor, sprawled out.

"I'm dead!" he cried, clutching his head in a panicked manner, "I'm dead! I can't be dead! No way! I'm not dead! Al! Al? Where's Al! AL!"

(groan) "Will you pleas stop yelling Edward…" groaned Ed's body as it sat up and rubbed its head.

Ed's eyes widened, "&+&£&££& (censored swearing)"

Ed's body stood up and dusted itself off nicely, before pausing and looking at its hands and turning its head to Ed.

"Who the hell are you!" shouted Ed's body

"Me!" shouted Ed back, "I'm Edward Elric, who the hell are you!"

"I'm Colnel Roy Mustang," said Ed's body simply.

Ed blinked and looked down at himself, he wasn't wearing his usual black shirt and trousers or his read coat, he was in a nice blue military uniform, with gloves that had transmutation circles on.

"No way…" whispered Ed.

"You're me!" cried both Ed and Roy in unison.


	2. First Impressions

Author's note: Ok, from now on Ed will be referred to as Ed but he is in Roy's body and will be called Roy by other characters and it is vice versa for Roy so he will be called Roy even though he is in Ed's body ok:)

* * *

"Right. Let's think about this logically" said Roy in his usual cool, calm collected manner

"Logically! You're in **–my- **body! Do I have to spell it out for you!" shouted Ed as he gripped onto the bed post so tightly that it snapped in two.

"Edward Elric, please calm yourself, we need to figure out what happened here"

"You idiot!" shouted Ed (he was beginning to get really pissed off with Roy now), "It's obviously alchemy but of course **-you-** were asleep when it happened so you would have no clue!"

"Stop shouting do you want to wake up the whole military!" shouted Roy getting equally pissed off with Ed.

"I'll shout if I want to you think I should just stay calm and quiet in a situation like this!"

"Do you want everyone to find out what happened?" shouted Roy, rolling up the sleeves of the red coat.

"Not really but if it's a chance to beat you up and humiliate you then yeah!" shouted Ed, preparing to give Roy a good beating.

"Sir! What happened!"

"We came as soon as possible!"

"Brother! Brother! Are you alright!"

The door which had been slammed open once again fell off its hinges revealing that standing in the middle of the doorway was a bunch of military personnel which consisted of Major Armstrong, Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, and Sergeant Kain Fuery oh yeah, and Al.

"Uh…did we interrupt something?" said Armstrong, scratching his head slightly as he noticed that both Ed and Roy were practically on the verge of beating each other up

"Er…no no don't worry" smiled Roy, doing a little cough into his fist, Edward was just leaving"

"Edward?" said everybody, really confused

"Brother, are you feeling alright?" asked Al who walked up to his 'brother'

A sweat drop appeared on Roy's head, 'That's right; they think I'm Ed, dammit'. Roy turned his head to Ed and frowned giving a look to say 'we need to sort something out'

Ed blinked, a little confused then he did his little evil grin that he does, "Sergeant Fuery would you mind taking Edward and Alphonse outside please? I have some important business to deal with."

Five red sizzling anger lines wobbled over Roy's head as Al dragged him out.

* * *

Ed grinned and sat at Roy's desk, leaning back in Roy's chair comfortably, "Ah! This is the life!" he said, dreamily.

"Sir? Are you alright?"

"Huh?" said Ed, opening an eye to see Riza Hawkeye stading there with a serious look on her face.

"Er, fine fine fine!" he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "Don't worry about anything Major!"

"I'm a first lieutenant" said Riza blandly, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I said I'm fine! Don't worry!"

Riza raised a suspicious eyebrow at Ed before quietly walking off. Ed breathed a sigh of relief and wiped his brow.

"Sir!" said a random member of the military, "The Brigader General wants you to fill out these forms!" he said, dumping a huge pile of forms on Ed's desk, "And once you're finished with that you need to fill out these, and then these" he said, dumping even more forms on Ed's desk.

Soon, the stack of forms was so high that they toppled over causing an avalanche of paper.

"Hey. You gotta be kidding!" shouted Ed, crushing a pen in his fist

"Nope" said Riza simply, carrying a clipboard in her arms, "We've all got to fill out these forms, only since you're higher up you've got to sign more"

Ed pulled an exhausted face, "No…way…" he muttered, slamming his head down on the desk after signing the first form.

* * *

"Wait! Fuery! Havoc! Listen too me! I need to go back inside right now!" shouted Roy as he and Al were ushered out of Central city headquarters.

"Sorry sir" apologised Kain

"The colonel ordered us to take you outside, we can't go back on higher authority" said Jean simply.

"See ya sir!" smiled Kain as he and Jean ran back inside before 'Ed' could use his alchemy on them.

Roy almost exploded with anger, "You idiots! Don't you see that something's up! I was going to make all female personnel wear mini-skirts when I become Fuhrer! Maybe I'll spend all the money on buying a torture chamber for you guys instead!"

"You're not brother" said Al simply

Roy stopped shouting immediately and turned his head like a clockwork doll to him, "Heh, why do you say that Alphonse?"

"For a start," said Al matter-of-factly, "Brother very rarely calls me Alphonse, secondly, he hates being a dog of the military and he has no intention of becoming Fuhrer and thirdly, you haven't used alchemy once today. So, who are you? Has it got something to do with last night?"

A sweat drop appeared on Roy's head, "Er…something with last night?"

Al suddenly reached forward and picked Roy up by his collar "What have you done with brother?" he asked, his face darkened and angry.

"Nothing!" cried Roy, a little spooked at Al's anger, "Listen, Alphonse Elric, I am not your brother, that's right. But I am Colonel Roy Mustang, and I order you to put me down."

Al looked at Roy suspiciously for a moment, then laughed, "I may look like an empty suit of armour but I **-do-** have a brain!"

"No! I'm telling the truth! Seriously!" said Roy, his feet still dangling in mid air

"Fine," said Al, "Prove that you're the Colonel. Who won the fight between brother and the Colonel when brother took his re-test to stay a Nationally Certified Alchemist?"

Roy gave a smug smirk and said, "Technically no-one, I was about to blast Edward away with my alchemy then I paused, causing Edward to take the opportunity to transmute his auto mail and we ended up with a stalemate. Then the Fuhrer told us to stop and clean up the mess we had created on our own."

Roy smiled and closed his eyes, nodding his head firmly, the next thing he knew he had been dropped to the floor and Al was on his knees with sweat drops trickling down his head as he said (in a very apologetic manner) "I'm sorry Colonel! I didn't know it was you! Please Colonel I'm sorry! Don't hurt me or brother! Please! Please!"

Roy blinked after rubbing his butt and stood up sighing, "Don't worry about it Alphonse, for now I'm more interested in beating up your brother for throwing me out," he then paused and smirked coolly, "I hope he's enjoying himself inside"

* * *

"Sir, once you've finished with those forms the Brigadier general wants you to sign these too"

"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ed, clutching his head as he began to drown in a sea of forms.


End file.
